This post is a different from the norm of what I usually write. My heart is tired, my patience is thin, I'm tired of smiling when I just want to ball up and cry and I need to just release some of what I'm feeling. So, don't get mad if I'm being harsh... this is 6 years of emotions spilling out here.
Some know what I've gone through the last 6 years, and by know I mean they are aware of why my husband and I don't have kids. Some have no idea we did not choose to wait 6+ years before expanding our family. This has got to be the hardest roller coaster of emotions I've ever had to ride. It goes on forever and I can't get off!
First... I appreciate you trying to give me words of comfort, but honestly it makes it worse.
•Just because some magic plan worked for so-and-so, doesn't mean it will for me
•If you think I should try medical intervention... then you pay for it
•"Maybe if you lost some weight". It's actually not that easy for me
•"Just Relax" isn't an option
•Adoption isn't the same thing (and also requires $$$)
•Saying "take mine for a while, that'll fix your baby desire" is the last thing I want/need to hear
•"Do you really want to bring a child into this horrible world?" is also a stupid thing to say
I'm mad... Really really mad. Not AT people, but at people (if that makes sense).... I'm mad at the fertile Myrtles, I'm mad at the women who complain about their kids, I'm mad at the fact that I'm being bombarded by pregnant women recently, I'm mad at the pregnancy progress posts on Facebook. I'm mad that I can't do anything about it. I'm mad that my husband's faith is unwavering and he's content in the meantime. I'm mad that I feel that I can't cry about it (unless it's to myself... in the shower... as quietly as possible so my husband doesn't hear...).
Let me help you help me....
•Its okay to not say anything. I've already heard it all (see above).
•Its okay to cry with me. Empathy lets me know you care.
•Pray for me. For comfort. For endurance. For peace.
•You can bring up a pregnancy, just don't include the "I'm sorry it's not you" face.
•If you are thinking about it me, let me know. I feel so alone in this.
